{Can you tell I read a book that was written in the 1940s today? I don't enjoy reading stories in that language, but man, it just gets in my brain and flows unhindered onto my computer keys.}
Hm, sorry. Back to "preferences" for real this time. I went to the ladies class this week for the first time. I am sorry to say I was surprised. Big time. That SS class was so refreshing, to actually feel like the biblical commandment was being meted out to me--having the older ladies minister to the younger.
One lady asked the class for advice on how to get her little girl to wear dresses. She said she doesn't mind wearing skirts but exercises her iron will and refuses to put on a dress. Immediately members in the class began offering their opinion. Not everyone said something (I didn't), so I'm not saying that everybody in the class had this opinion (because I don't), but many people did--that skirts were just her preference, so just let her wear skirts.
I didn't say anything because I hadn't really thought it through. It was more of an off the top of my head thing, and I surely didn't want to offer advice that I hadn't made sure lined up with the Bible.
What I want to know is, if you want your kid to do something specific (wear a dress, eat some roast beef, etc.), why would it be okay to let them win the battle of the wills and do what they want to instead (wear a skirt, eat mashed potatoes, etc.)? Obviously, the difference between a dress and a skirt is completely minor, so why would this be a battle a parent should choose?
It's not, specifically. I realized that there are lessons this type of battle teaches. Submission, humility, acceptance, flexibility, sweetness of the soul, seeing things from others' perspective, the list goes on. Since dresses vs. skirts is not a vital component of a girl's rearing, those lessons don't have to be taught this way.
But they do need to be taught. No one is born with all of these. No one learns any of these accidentally. How much better would it be to first try to teach "doing something you don't want to do with a good attitude" than with wearing a dress instead of a skirt? You wouldn't want to wait and try to teach this lesson with something important, like telling her to keep her hands to herself when she's on a date. That's the important one, but if kids don't learn lessons with things that don't matter, they sure aren't going to suddenly be receptive to learning lessons with things that do matter.
If this sounds like a soap box rant, it is, kinda. Not that I am in ANY position to judge, because I am so not. On Sunday for lunch, we had roast beef and a bunch of side veggies. Guess who didn't want to eat his roast beef? It's not like he had half the side of it or anything. It's not like we didn't put any roast beef juice on it. It's not like I didn't cut it into teeny tiny pieces for him. Oh how easy it would have been to just say "that's enough" after the fifth time he complained and I told him to eat it all.
But would that have taught him that when he's going through something tough and needs to beg and beseech God for peace and direction, that he should stay on his knees until he gets what he needs instead of thinking, "this is too hard", and giving up on God?
Okay, extreme example, but after a certain number of times of discipline, EJ ate his roast beef willingly and with a good attitude. Next time the situation might be to clean his room (ie, put 25 books on shelves, 17 animals in buckets, 9 blankets on bed, 12 articles of clothing in drawers, and 14 cars in bins), and I guarantee that at first, no one will be doing anything willingly. But I can remind him of the roast beef, and slowly, as he grows, he will develop a pattern of doing unpleasant things quickly and cheerfully.
So, at the end of this monologuos discussion, I only have one more thing to add. While "choosing your battles" sounds really good at 9:15 Sunday morning (getting dressed), or 2:30 in the afternoon (still finishing lunch), we have to make sure we're not "choosing character traits" and unwittingly glossing over the more difficult ones. Raising kids is hard, and raising them for Jesus is even harder. I hope this post encouraged someone. I know it helped me, getting my thoughts out.