But back to her letter. That phrase stayed in my mind. "Boys turn girls into sexual objects in their minds." I'd heard it countless times, in a variety of applications, and I knew both sides had plausibility (yes, boys needed to control their thoughts and attitudes, and yes, girls shouldn't flaunt it tempting them), but it seemed like this issue was at a stalemate.
And then, we went on a business trip and stayed in a hotel, and one morning at breakfast, this lady walks in the cafeteria area. She was full-figured and her curves had curves. But that wasn't the problem. The problem was that she had this necklace thing on, and it accentuated the curves under her shirt, like, a lot. I am naturally attracted to hair (always the first thing I notice about people), but every time this woman came into my line of vision, her hair was not what drew my eye. And then it hit me:
Boys may make girls into sexual objects in their minds, but girls make themselves sexual objects much more often.
Why would a girl on purpose wear something that highlighted the sexual parts of her body? So people could look at her and think, "I bet she has a great personality!"? Or so people would wonder, "I bet she looks good under that!"?
And that is where the pride comes in. My pastor's wife mentioned it in SS, and from everything I have ever read on the subject, no one has ever connected pride to immodesty. But think about it. If I were to wear a loose t-shirt and A-line skirt, my personality would be what would draw the majority of attention I would receive. But if I were to wear a deep V-neck shirt and pants that fit "just right" (or a skirt hiked up to my thigh)...why would I flaunt something I didn't secretly want people to notice?
So we have pride at the heart of immodesty. I think I look good, and I want others to think I look good, too. Isn't that what Paul was referring to when he said "not with broidered hair" and etc? Not that girls can't braid their hair (obviously, because in that same sentence he includes "putting on of apparel" and we all know he wasn't advocating we all go naked!). But that we shouldn't do anything to ourselves to draw attention to ourselves.
Now I'm not saying that we should all wear frumpy clothes that are 4 sizes too big and walk around with messy, unwashed hair. Not. At. All. Please don't do that! There are ways to dress modestly without looking like you just woke up from the Dark Ages.
This article is not about how to choose clothes that are modest. I'm not going to go into the whole, two inches from your collarbone and if you have to hold your shirt when you bend over stuff. But what I do want to talk about is our attitudes when putting on said clothes. (Notice I said "our attitudes"? Yeah...)
Issues of the heart are tricky things, though. I can put on a miniskirt and think in my head, "This is a nice color. It has pockets. It's not too tight around the waist where I can't take a deep breath. Check, check, and check!" and walk out the door without a prideful thought about it. So does that mean I'm being modest? If the heart issue is really what's at stake, it shouldn't matter what the clothes look like, just my attitude when I'm wearing them. Right? Um, not quite. In a perfect world, maybe. But you know that verse that immodest people like to spout--"God looks at the heart"? I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and guess they've just never read the first part of that verse, "Man looks on the outward appearance." How can we give God the glory in our dress if we totally disregard the fact that our outward appearance is sometimes our only testimony to the lost world around us? How can we "be separate from the world" if we look just like them? Case in point:
I was walking through the airport several weeks ago {read, "several weeks ago" when I wrote this half a year ago!}. I was wearing a full khaki skirt that came about two inches past my knee with a nice Alabama t-shirt. Nothing in my dress (I thought) screamed "cult" or "Mormon" or "Catholic" or anything else, but neither did it proclaim that I was fast and easy with loose morals. I was just walking along when this man behind an information desk stopped me.
"Do you go to church?" he asked.
"Yes, I do."
"What religion do you believe?"
I had to think carefully before I answered--I didn't want to give him the impression that if he adheres to a certain religion and follows a bunch of rules, that he will go to Heaven. This is what I said:
"I believe in the Bible and I meet together with other people who also believe the Bible. I believe every word is straight from God and after salvation, there's nothing I can do to get to Heaven."
He nodded like he agreed with every word I said. "It's just that I noticed how well you were dressed. It's a nice change from staring at all the tight pants and low-cut shirts all day."
My response: "The Bible tells us to live in the world, but not of the world, meaning we shouldn't act like, sound like, or look like--" and I swept my hand around me to indicate everyone around me. "I don't dress like this because I have to, but because I believe that by dressing this way, God is pleased."
He nodded again, thanked me profusely for dressing to honor God, then stepped back behind his desk. I walked away, thinking what a strange occurrence that just was!
I could say more. But I won't belabor the point. Suffice it to end on this note: When we get dressed in the morning, do we put on the clothes we do to show off our "fashion sense" to the world, or do we rather hope that someone passing by us in the world will see Jesus in us? (And lest anyone think I'm just using the "royal we" here, I have to evaluate my clothes every so often, too.)