...even when it's a good change.
So why do I feel this strange tug in my heart as we pull out of the driveway with the last load in the pickup? Why does EJ mope about, yearning for the hallway of the old house? Why do I slap the wall in frustration when the light switch isn't two inches higher like I'm used to? We were hoping, praying, planning, YEARNING to be out of that house for so long, the change should be welcomed with wide open arms. And yet it's not.
Life if funny like that. This is the 21st time I've move in my 31 years of life. I remember 15 of the moves, 7 of which have happened since I got married 11 years ago. I feel like my life has consisted of moving, with short pauses in between. I should be totally used to picking up and setting down somewhere else. EJ has moved 4 times in his 10 years, this one being the only one he remembers. He spent over half his life in that run-down house, and when you get used to something, it becomes familiar. Hm, maybe like Stockholm Syndrome. :-) Well, maybe not quite to that extreme! The foundation was fine, and the roof was fine, so it wasn't like we would wake up one morning to find the house around our ears.
Unless God sends us a bolt of lightning with clear instructions attached saying we need to move, this is it folks. This is the house we plan to raise our kids, fix up nice and keep clean because it's OUR house and we're proud of it, eventually retire here and welcome grandkids in. My brain doesn't know what a future with no more moving looks like. It doesn't want to think about it, because it doesn't know if it will like it or not. Logic says, "Yes, you will definitely like not ever moving again." My heart says, "I'm scared because I've never done this before." Set down roots, on purpose. Painted a wall or planted a garden, knowing I'll still be enjoying it in 50 years. Rip out the carpet, not because hardwoods will increase the selling value, but because it will increase my own happiness. (Yikes, that did NOT come out right! Do you know what I mean though? My eternal happiness is in God, but no one should have to walk into their house every day and shudder at the cat pee smell that will NOT come out of the carpets!)
Change is hard, even when it's a good change. Change takes time, time to assimilate the mind and body to the new environment, time to adapt to the slight differences of light switch locations. Change is inevitable, but that doesn't mean a few tears can't be shed on the loss of the old even as I face the future with a brave smile. If you ask me how I'm liking my new house, forgive me if I hesitate with the answer. I'm still working through that change, but I know one day soon the old house will be another distant memory, and I won't believe it if you tell me that I didn't embrace this change like a kid who finds money on the ground.