Ever since my stroke, the back of my right hand hurts like a thousand tiny needles are being jabbed into my skin whenever my hand gets cold. Normally, you would think, wear gloves. But ever since I was little, the palms of my hands stay perpetually sweaty. Most of the time, they are just bad enough that lotion feels really gross; once in a while it will be so bad that if I were to shake your hand, you would want to wipe your hand off afterward. That's mostly just when I'm nervous, though. So I don't want to wear gloves all the time, because as the back of my hand is cold, my palm is hot. I turned my creative juices on and brainstormed. This is what I came up with last winter:
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There was this song I knew once, back when I was a kid, and part of it went like this:
“I’m marching to the beat of a different drum. Don’t let this world fit you into their mold. Go ahead, speak up, stand, and be bold. Follow the Lord—trust in His Word. Buck the crowd; be a little different.” I always liked that song because the tune was a little peppy, and in my mind I could imagine the little girl who sang it dancing around on stage in her pink cowgirl boots, cutely admonishing the crowd to do what’s right, even when no one will join you. There's nothing like starting a long day off with not-bad news. It sure makes the rest of the day not feel like a dark cloud is hanging over your head. But I am getting ahead of myself. My story actually starts several weeks ago.
I was at the doctor having a routine physical when the doctor noticed something out of the ordinary. I needed an imaging test, but they didn't have the equipment for that, so my doctor referred me. I had to wait another week for my husband's next day off, so between the day that I found out that I needed additional testing and the day of the actual test I had a lot of time to think, pray, and not worry. A couple days ago I wrote about talking to Jesus and that did help. The night before my test, I couldn't sleep, so I got up and wrote in my journal. Normally, on Sundays as I have done this past month, I would post thoughts from the week about the Bible verses I've read. However, on this Sunday, I have something a little different I would like to share, and I will post the rest of Revelation tomorrow.
First of all, I have to say how amazing God in His foreknowledge is. I know that He knows what each of us is going through and what exactly we need to hear on Sundays. Several times in my life, I have been faced with a decision I have to make, or a specific burden will be on my heart, and the songs and sermons from Sunday have really helped me to solidify my thoughts or alleviate my fears. Most of the time, this isn't the case, but I am also aware that we all have different needs, and while one set of songs and certain messages will touch my innermost heart, different sets of songs and different certain messages will touch others' innermost heart. This morning, the songs and message were for me. Other people may have also gotten some deep reassurance or had an enlightened thought revealed unto them, but I know through His orchestrating power, today was for me. Before I got married, I attended a handful of weddings. They were a little boring to me. I was even IN a wedding. (I was actually in two, but one was when I was 8, and for these purposes I don't count that one.) The one I was in as an adult wasn't as boring as the rest, but it definitely didn't make me cry or anything. I did shed a tear before the ceremony, but that's because in attempting to attach some ribbon or something to a wall I fell into the baptistry. It had nothing to do with the sweetness of the wedding.
Ever since I got married, I have cried at every wedding I've been to. Starting with my sister-in-law's wedding a month after mine. I really sobbed at that one. I think I just wasn't prepared for the different feelings that assaulted me. Then I went to two the next year, I went to my brother's, I was IN my sister's, and all the way to several weekends ago when I went to my friend's sister's wedding. Man, that's a lot of crying! I barely knew some of those people! What was wrong with me? Six years ago, my life changed. Many changes can be good--getting married, which I had already done. Having a baby, which was a wonderful change for me. This change, however, I think can only be called good because God allowed it. Even six years later, I do not understand why this happened to me.
Sunday, July 2, 2006, 5:30 AM: I wake up with the worst pain in my head. It feels like there's a bug biting the inside of my skull, and if I pound hard enough on my head, the bug will stop biting me. I doze fitfully for the next 3 hours, trying to sleep but unable to because my fist keeps making its way to my temple. 8:30 AM: I finally get out of bed and almost stagger to the door. My leg feels a little funny, but the sensation is overshadowed by the constant pain in my head. I stumble around the house in a daze, limping and dropping things as I get ready for church. My husband gets himself and our not-yet-eight week old son ready, every few minutes asking me if I'm okay and do I need to go to the doctor. 9:30 AM: We pull in the church parking lot and the pastor's wife is standing there ready to greet us. My husband stops the car, jumps out, and gives our baby to the pastor's wife. He is ready to get back in the car and drive me to the hospital, but I get out and hand over the diaper bag. Being a brand new mom, I have lots of concerns to relate. He only had one bottle, and he would need it soon, but I said that was okay, there was no way I would be gone more than four hours. Diaper this, and change of clothes that, and my husband is shushing me back inside the car. He speeds the five minutes to the hospital. |
Who am I, you ask?
In 2006 I had a stroke, and every day my husband encourages me to use my remaining brain cells to the best of my ability. I love to organize, make crafts, and go on adventures (safe ones). I hope that through my blog posts, you will be encouraged to accept and make the best of challenges God throws at your life. Categories
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