First of all, I have to say how amazing God in His foreknowledge is. I know that He knows what each of us is going through and what exactly we need to hear on Sundays. Several times in my life, I have been faced with a decision I have to make, or a specific burden will be on my heart, and the songs and sermons from Sunday have really helped me to solidify my thoughts or alleviate my fears. Most of the time, this isn't the case, but I am also aware that we all have different needs, and while one set of songs and certain messages will touch my innermost heart, different sets of songs and different certain messages will touch others' innermost heart.
This morning, the songs and message were for me. Other people may have also gotten some deep reassurance or had an enlightened thought revealed unto them, but I know through His orchestrating power, today was for me.
Then we sat down, had the offering, and the special music started. I must tell Jesus all of my trials, I cannot bear these burdens alone. In my distress, He kindly will help me. He ever loves and cares for His own. I must tell Jesus all of my troubles; He is a kind, compassionate Friend. If I but ask Him, He will deliver--make of my troubles quickly an end. Tempted and tried, I need a great Saviour, One who can help my burdens to bear. I must tell Jesus, I must tell Jesus, He all my cares and sorrows will share. And the very end of the chorus: I must tell Jesus. Jesus can help me, Jesus alone.
Whenever I heard songs like that before, I was always a little confused. I thought the song was telling me that whenever I have a problem, or a worry, or even just a wondering, I should only tell Jesus about it. But then the verse would come to mind: "Bear ye one another's burdens." That applied to everyone. So are these songs that say we should only tell Jesus our problems teaching bad doctrine? I know the Bible is not wrong; that means the song must be wrong.
Then something happened this week that made me see these songs from a new perspective. Last Thursday I had a routine physical where the doctor found something that concerned her. She referred me to an imaging center for more tests. Now, if there's one thing my stroke taught me, it's that I can't worry about stuff I can't control. So I heard what my doctor said and immediately I thought, "I can't worry about this. I'll just ask a few friends to pray that everything will turn out okay."
So that's what I did. I forced myself not to worry, and I asked several friends and family members to pray for me. Then this morning these songs are sung, "Tell it to Jesus" and "I must tell Jesus", and Pastor starts his message and it's about really praying and talking to God about stuff.
This next part I don't really want to write because then everyone will know what a sinner I am (I know, we all sin, I just don't want to tell everyone mine!). I asked other people to pray for me, but I never actually "told it to Jesus" myself. I thought, in order to "not worry" about my situation, I had to not think about it and, in essence, not pray about it, either. How selfish of me! Or maybe how proud of me, I'm not sure the right word that belongs. Why should I expect everyone else to pray for me if I wasn't even willing to pray for myself?
I sat there in my pew, listening to the special music--not just to the music, which softly rained down on my soul like fuzzy, heart-shaped confetti. I listened to the words. "I must tell Jesus." I must tell Jesus! Me! I could ask all 7 billion people in the world to pray for me, but not one single one of them could help me. Not like Jesus can help. So, pray for me if you want. But don't stress about it. Because now I am telling Jesus, and He will help me.